Luke and I were giggling this morning, talking about what our expectations were for our mates before we met one another. Luke, being older and wiser than me, had a long list of things he had prayed about for years - and he prayed specific things! Exuberant personality, big smile, not-ugly feet. Me, I just had a list of things I thought were important, and I didn't necessarily submit them to God. I just thought it was an empirically accurate collection of descriptors for what my man should be like.
It's cool for Luke to look back at the list he prayed over and realize that God answered his prayers in the little things. (Apparently I have been gifted with not-ugly feet.)
It's cool for me to look back at the list I created and realize that I had absolutely no idea what I needed or would actually love having in a husband.
Today, I am beyond grateful to have an omniscient God as the One who calls the shots in my life.
Our relationship has been littered with moments of Luke being a certain way that he is and me being surprised at how important his way of being is to me. Those moments always make me think back over my list and shake my head, laughing at what I thought would be crucial and wondering what else I missed. There are so many things I can tell you that have become non-negotiables for me because of the kind of man Luke is, but today I'll highlight just three. And if these three aren't on your "list," I'd encourage you to consider making another draft.
It's a little like niceness, but with a large dose of compassion added to the mix. Trust me - nice isn't enough. Find you someone who is eager to understand you and give you the benefit of the doubt.
It's not something many people think about, but man, generosity is HOT. Just think about what it would be like to live with a stingy person who doesn't think about the needs of others. Ew. But a guy who puts a section in the budget specifically for giving stuff away to help other people? Hello, handsome.
Most women highly value words, and it's a rare man who appreciates the gravity of what he says and thus thinks extensively before speaking. Everything Luke says to me is full of thoughtfulness and grace. In three years, he has never hurt my feelings out of carelessness. I don't take it for granted, and you shouldn't take for granted your need to have your feelings considered in conversation.
You won't find these three qualities on any Cosmo Top 10 list. And they might not seem like the sexiest attributes a man can have, to an unmarried mind. But I can't imagine married life without them.
I hope this post inspires you to look for someone who will treat you like gold. And I hope it encourages you to run away from counsel that says your future spouse needs to be 10 out of 10 on your list or you're "settling." In what other area of your life have you always been right? Perhaps it's time to consider that Someone probably knows a little bit better than you. :) And it's ok. I didn't know what I needed either.